Welcome to Frontseat! This newsletter is an ongoing commentary on the inner machinations of my mind, pop culture, and maybe more, if you’re lucky. If you find yourself enjoying this, I would love it if you forward this to a friend!
One of the interesting things about writing a newsletter, and being Karl Frederick Ortegon, is that I am constantly at war with my ego.
Is what I’m writing funny? Is it interesting? What am I saying, with each week’s issue? Is what I’m trying to say actually being conveyed to my readers? Am I saying anything remotely new, or am I just sort of upcycling remnants of ideas from the media I consume, the conversations I have, and the same social circles in which I orbit?
Luckily, none of that really matters. I (thankfully) know better, at 25, than to let these questions bounce off of the inside of my skull endlessly. I no longer have the energy to tolerate that line of questioning for more than a few minutes.
It is true, though, that I haven’t sent this out for a few weeks! I felt like I have not had anything substantive to say lately. Which is fine. I also normally post on Friday afternoons, but life has been getting in the way of that, and yes, it is a Sunday.
I’m going to push past my dissonance tied to not doing things as I set out to do them, and post this on Sunday anyways. (I know nobody gives even a baby of a fuck when I send this out, but sometimes I imagine there is a great Judge, a great arbiter of truth, a being that is omniscient and that knows that I told myself I would post this every Friday, and if I diverge from that, then this being will send me to Hell or something unsavory like that.)
Anyways, as you might’ve already guessed, I’m going to just freeball it.
The darkest Sunday of the year
I don’t know if this is actually true, but it’s 5:27pm in Brooklyn as I write this and it is pitch black outside, and to me it is the darkest Sunday of the year and possibly ever. It is cold, my nose has been running since Thursday, there’s an uncomfortable pressure inside my head and my ass is simply not as fat as I’d like it to be, for like the millionth day in a row.
Thank the lord for my therapist (who I began seeing in June), who has, since then, reminded me of my own resilience and ability to love myself and all the other tools needed to combat this witch’s brew of dark, dreary aspects of November. Imagine being a pilgrim or whatever, and not having electricity, and it’s this dark all the time. You also have to do things (like take a shit) with only so much as a candle’s feeble flame to illuminate your BMs. Being a pilgrim probably sucked!!! But let’s be careful to not feel too bad for them because pilgrims were famously colonists with malevolent intentions.
Okay, I am getting off-topic (there’s a topic)? Yes, the topic is:
Appropriate Number of Social Obligations to Adhere to In a Week
After doing lots of math, physics and engineering, I have determined that the perfect number of social things to do in a week is MAXIMUM 8.
Let me explain using a template week. Feel free to use this template in your own life.
Monday - low-key date (1)
Tuesday - comedy show/concert (1)
Wednesday - dinner with friend then FT friend from home (2)
Thursday - OFF!
Friday - bowling (1)
Saturday - morning OR afternoon activity then go out dancing (2)
Sunday - morning OR afternoon OR evening activity (1)
Okay, this outlines a week where you are right up on the maximum. There’s a lot going on, but let’s break it down further.
Monday, you’re on a low-key date. That means it is over by 9pm, you do not exceed 2 drinks, you do not kiss unless it’s a cute goodbye moment, do not pass GO, do not collect $200! You’re in bed by 10:30, ez pz.
Tuesday you go to a comedy show or a concert (one that’s nearby you, maybe $15-$25 a ticket, opener goes on at 7 so you know the headliner’s going on before 9). In bed by 11:30 ish, and maybe you’re a bit drunk. And you deserve it, because Tuesday is one of the worst days invented.
Wednesday is a social night but it’s also a recharge. Dinner starts the MOMENT you and your friend are both off of work for the night, so you can be back in your bed by 8 to FT a loved one and then go straight to bed.
Thursday is for chilling and vibing and nothing more. If you do not take a rest night on Wednesday or Thursday, the entire formula is at-risk of backfiring and you will RUIN your stamina for the weekend.
Friday you can get drunk but it’s OK because you’re bowling, and when you bowl your body metabolizes alcohol (esp. IPAs) at a much higher rate due to the physics behind using your arm in the unique way that only bowling requires. This has been confirmed by science and scientists.
Saturday you do ONE activity during the day, and it’s EITHER in the morning or the afternoon. Then you can go out dancing and really just go all out.
Sunday you get ONE activity!!! Do not fuck around with Sunday! The evil of Monday and Tuesday will be extremely unenjoyable if you overload your Sunday. I am telling you this with sincerity — I am worried for you if you choose otherwise. I urge you to follow this rule on Sunday.
Some rules for the rest of the month
November and the winter beyond are far spookier than a group of toxic white muscle gays going out on Halloweekend. I’m no scientist, but I’ve spoken to many folks in the science industry in my years, and they’ve told me a few secrets to maintaining proper mental hygiene during the Dark Days™.
Treat sleep wayyyyy way way more seriously than you already are.
Hot alcoholic drinks (mulled wine, Hot Toddy) are actually extremely good for you and maybe you should replace your water intake with them.
People are actually hotter in winter than in summer. So while you might feel more confident with freckles and a sun-kissed face, and less confident in the winter, just know that your brain is lying. Everyone is hotter in the winter so it’s just time you believe that.
(Serious one): know that the things you expect to bring you joy, might not. And let joy come to you wherever else you can sense it. During winter, I truly spend so much time holding rigid expectations for the people around me and the events in my life. When those expectations are inevitably unmet, it feels crushing during winter, because the sun is weak and people aren’t buzzing around in the streets and in parks and in bodies of water. It can be a despairing time, but joy is still everywhere, I think, and we are better off taking it where we find it — even if it feels small, silly, or random. Tiny moments between you and the universe are kind of the best, right?
Slay.
<3 you
-Karl