Hi!
It has been a few months since I’ve squirmed my way into your inbox, and luckily, I’m back for good. I stopped writing this newsletter so I could figure out my silly little life, which was far less stable and clear-cut than it is now. On paper, everything now is what 22-year-old Karl wanted so, so badly. I live in Bushwick (hold your applause pls), I have a new job doing content at a very exciting start-up (follow us on IG @quadiomedia), I’m dating MEN (I mean I was before but this time I feel hot and funny and interesting) and, most importantly, I’m posting soooooo many things on my Instagram story.
Things are somewhat settling down now in Karl’s universe, except for this annoying little looming thing on the horizon that may impact human civilization for the next many months! Yes this is a subtweet about the Delta variant! I hate that girl.
But, as far as FRONTSEAT is concerned, I am back in a place where I am not constantly anxious or staring at a wall or no-thoughts-head-empty. I am still many of those things most of the time, but I have a therapist now (remember to hold applause…) and I am making more active decisions for my mental health and happiness and fulfillment etc etc etc which feels smart and adult and good.
If you’re reading this, you are either one of my ride-or-die, OG subscribers, or you’re a new one! Or perhaps an onlooker from my Instagram, stumbling upon this word vomit from my beautiful psyche. Let’s do a little recap for my dear readers!
RECAP!
I began this newsletter, FRONTSEAT, to develop my writing voice and have something to show for myself as a twenty-something who told everyone in college that he’d be a writer. I wrote it every Friday for over 30 weeks (!), starting July 2020, which is now just over a year ago (!!!). I was focused largely on pop music, shouting out my favorite new releases, providing context to some event in the pop zeitgeist, analyzing a music video or album rollout, and just trying to share my love and affection for pop music with anyone who would listen. And! And, and, and, I needed some writing samples and something of a portfolio to show for myself. And that’s what FRONTSEAT was.
WHAT IS FRONTSEAT NOW?
Now, I *think* I want FRONTSEAT to still deal with pop music and pop culture, but I also want to be funny and write about myself and my life, because ultimately I am actually Hannah Horvath (even though I see myself the most in Marnie, a question I recently avoided answering on a first date because I realized how embarrassed I was by that). JK, I’m not Hannah Horvath, but it’s fun to have a little life update every week to send to you guys. And yes, I do want to keep to a once-a-week schedule, but it might not always be on Fridays and it might also not happen every week and sometimes it’ll happen twice in a week.
I want FRONTSEAT to be an outlet where I can sort of journal but in a polished way. Honestly, Pat Regan and his newsletter (which you absolutely need to subscribe to) as well as David Carliner and his newsletter (which you absolutely need to subscribe to, too) are the two big inspirations for the direction I want to take this. Ultimately, this newsletter is for me. That might change, in the off-chance that this actually gains a following and I realize that it might be something I can produce more intimately and professionally. But we’re nowhere near that right now, and I am not making this so that I become minorly famous from it. This is primarily for ME to write about life and thoughts and big things and small things and things that tickle me and things that scare me and make me want to throw up everywhere. And if you like the way I write and what I write about, then that is AMAZING and I’m so happy to have you.
ISN’T THIS SO CRINGE-Y?
Yes!!! This will probably get cringe from time to time, and as much as it is my biggest fear to be cringe-y (right up there with dying alone), I realize that the energy I put into suppressing myself or otherwise AVOIDING being cringe-y is actually very negative and unnecessary and kind of giving police state vibes. But the most beautiful thing is that I get to keep writing this newsletter however often and for however long I want to, and if you don’t like it, you can just not read it! And if I don’t like it, then I have another thing to talk about in therapy!
So, starting right below the next header, is the first edition of the NEW FRONTSEAT! Yay! The template I think I want to do is one chunk about pop, one chunk about my life, and then some fun mini chunks about other stuff. Now you know!
HELLO BILLIE EILISH ALBUM
I have really not cared about the singles from the new Billie Eilish album, Happier Than Ever, except for ‘my future’ which I loved. And that’s my God-given right as a proud American. On the other hand, I find the Billie Eilish hate train to be so boring and pathetic. Hive mind alert! Wake up, sheeple! You don’t actually hate her, you’re just boring and you find it easy to hate on a teenage girl. You can dislike a huge pop star, in fact I think that would be weird if a pop star had NO haters, but the social media comment storms on all of her posts is lame.
While the album singles did not tickle me, I do really enjoy the project as a whole after a few listens. If I was writing a Pitchfork review, I’d probably give it a high 7. My favorites so far are ‘Getting Older,’ ‘Halley’s Comet,’ and ‘Happier Than Ever.’ They are so beautiful! ‘Happier Than Ever’ has a second-half that is very Olivia Rodrigo, almost to an alarming extent, but the sound that she’s exploring there — a more shout-y, punk/pop/rock, guitar-heavy sound — is fun. It reminds me, too, of King Princess’s last album (especially the song ‘Ohio,’ where she goes absolutely off and it’s one of the most fun tracks to listen to while drunk on the subway while trying not to emote bc it’s NYC and you’re supposed to be minding your own business).
What this album shows me is that Billie (and FINNEAS, her producer and brother) has a lot of depth — I knew that already, but sonically, and lyrically, there is a lot here that is just very good. I’m happy for her!
PERSONAL CORNER: WHY IS BEING 25 SO HARD LOL?
As a 25-year-old who has spent the last year and a half navigating a pandemic and just being the worst ages ever (24 and now 25), I can say with certainty that I still know absolutely nothing and everything is so so stupid but also it can be so so beautiful. I think life is truly vile and unnecessary and yet it can also make me soar and smile with happy tears in my eyes. Like??? What am I supposed to do with THAT?
The line between stupid and beautiful is sometimes so thin that it’s translucent, so some things feel like they’re both at once, which is absurd. Everything has been absurd, though. Since March 2020, each new day has brought something odder than the last. I am constantly stopping in the street and wanting to yell, ‘WHAT ARE WE ALL DOING? ISN’T THE WORLD ENDING?’
Something my brain has been doing, too, is whiplashing, where I’ll go back-and-forth between two major truths. Oftentimes, one is internal (e.g., I deserve a life that I love, so I’m going to cut off everything that doesn’t serve me) and one is external and opposite (e.g., I need to stop projecting on everyone around me, let’s be open to new experiences and not live in a dictatorship under our expectations!). Everything potentially good has its pros and cons, which, god damn, okay I guess! Finding the balance between two big things can be so tricky.
I will say that I have grown a lot since March 2020, in some ways quite immensely, and I need to call that out and name it and own it and be happy about it! It’s so easy to get bogged down in the few things that AREN’T ‘there yet’ or ‘perfect’ or ‘easy’ and just completely blow off all of the growth and lessons learned. Clap if you’ve ever denied yourself the chance to celebrate your own journey!
SOMETHING THAT MADE ME HAPPY THIS WEEK
This video of Beep, which is the name of the child who has grown a cult following on TikTok. Beep is so fucking cute I could scream, I literally sent his parents an email (they had asked for people to submit nice comments for Beep to read in the future, I’m not THAT unhinged) about how his life is so full of happiness and that I wish him the best.
SOMETHING THAT MADE ME CRY <2 HOURS AGO
I just started Mare of Easttown, and Kate Winslet’s character saw a vision of her son who is deceased, and that made me really sad. She’s sooo New England rough-and-tough, never smiles, constantly weary, etc etc. So her sadness feels even more profound and rare!!!
WHAT I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO IN THE NEAR FUTURE
A very close friend is coming to town next weekend!
I’m going to hike Half Dome in Yosemite with another very close friend in less than a month oh my fuck! We might jump off it LOL! Jk but I’m going to pretend I’m Reese Witherspoon in Wild during the entire hike and it’s going to be so dramatic.
A COOL SONG THAT I WANT TO GATEKEEP BUT I WON’T
Made Your Mama Cry - Nana Lourdes (shout-out Shosh for the rec), also her whole discography is good, ‘Kenny’ is amazing, too.
LEGEND OF THE WEEK
Jennifer Coolidge in The White Lotus is literally to die for. I ooh and aah at everything she does. Molly fucking SHANNON is in the episode that drops tomorrow??? Also, it’s such a good show, holy shit. But shoutout to the legend Jennifer Coolidge. The lip/cheek/forehead acting that she does…
LESSONS FROM A SPIRITUALITY PODCAST MY THERAPIST SENT ME
I did kind of roll my eyes every few minutes at this Michael Singer podcast, but I did learn a thing or two!
Lesson 1: You are making yourself miserable. You have (at least some) agency to get out of negative thought patterns. (I’ll never fully believe this but isn’t that kinda the whole point… just believe it, I think. That’s the secret, maybe?)
Lesson 2: Life is not about getting what you want and avoiding what you don’t want. (Drag me…) Life is about getting the chance to have a near-infinite amount of experiences and learn from all of them.
SOMETHING WEIRD SOMEONE DID THIS WEEK
A cyclist in Williamsburg today screamed at a guy on a mo-ped who was in the bike lane. He screamed ‘GET OUT OF THE BIKE LANE, YOU MORON, OR I’LL KICK YOU OFF THAT FUCKING MO-PED.’ Like, I don’t think he should’ve been in the bike lane either, but please calm down and also, let’s not kick people. Kicking is for sports, like kickball.
SOMETHING THAT KINDA SAVED ME THIS WEEK
My superpower is overthinking and convincing myself that my worst fears are coming true. When I’m home alone — uh oh, that’s not good for my brain! Luckily, I listened to this episode of Las Culturistas with Sudi Green, where she, Bowen and Matt have a really candid conversation about happiness, having a career, relationship with eating/bodies (though they, at times, talk in a way that feels weight stigma-y, just a warning). Every time I listen to the episode, though, I’m reminded that even those who I really look up to in comedy, music, entertainment, etc., still go THROUGH it. They still have bad days/weeks/months, and also, the ep always makes me happy because they seem like truly such good friends. And then I remember, wait, *I* have friends, too!! And they’re great and I love them and I feel some tears coming so I’m gonna end the newsletter now. See ya in a week or so.